Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
