The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
