ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
