his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
