i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
