Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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