I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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