either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
