For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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