She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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