i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
