Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I did not marry a roomba.
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