K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
