Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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