just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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