Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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