I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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