I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
