Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
