you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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