I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
