There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
