why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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