Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
