What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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