i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
