3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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