you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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