What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
