omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
