just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
