he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
