ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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