he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
