What a fucking waste of an outfit
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
