I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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