So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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