I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
