If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
