Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
