3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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