Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
No subtext here. People are naked.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
