I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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