What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
