When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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