we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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