Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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