I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sponge bath it is.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
