when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
