Swine flu. Run for my life!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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