she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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