so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
