Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
